The Best Bender of Your Life
Fuck Europe 2020 we’re going on a bender
By Josh Clutterbuck June 22, 2020
2020 has certainly been the shittest year of my existence but alas there is a silver lining. This probably means jack shit to some people, but to me this upcoming event will be the highlight of the year and to be perfectly honest, I’m very excited.
So please don’t worry about your cancelled Europe trip because boy, do I have the alternative for you. While this event will cost you almost as much as a 5 week round the world trip, it is certainly more worthwhile.
What is this event that has me so toey you ask? A bender with the boys. Anti climatic? Maybe. But wait until you hear the details.
As a bloke who loves sinking piss and playing and watching footy, there is absolutely no better time of the year then November. Two words, finals footy.
Whether that be local suburban footy, the NRL or the big dogs of Super Rugby. Well maybe Super Rugby aren’t big dogs, let's be honest, our sport is dying, but that’s another story.
With COVID fucking the world I truly believed that we’d have no footy finals of any kind this year. This broke me. The thought of not cheering on the greatest show on turf to another premiership was pretty shit and had me down in the dumps. However, the announcement of the return of both professional and suburban footy have absolutely peaked my levels of arousal.
Until a few weeks back I wasn’t sure what our club season would look like, but we now know we have 1 regular round before a finals campaign. Sick, this is dope! We’re gonna have some sort of season. I sort of just let this slide and didn’t look into it but I’m glad I ran into a bloke last weekend who did.
Now, traditionally finals are held around August/September for us. However due to COVID, grand finals will be held on the 31st of October and 1st of November.
Looking at those dates probably means nothing to most, but some may realise there’s a huge sporting event held on the first Tuesday of November being the Melbourne cup.
Picture this.
You’ve just won your 6th grade footy final on Saturday the 31st at around midday. The bender starts here and rolls on into Sunday where you go watch the better teams of club rugby play their finals with, of course, more celebrations kicking on back at the clubhouse.
Some people will call it a day come Sunday night, whereas others won’t even think of bed at this stage.
One thing is for sure, both types of people will be rolling in to Mad Monday in fine form, ready to continue the bend.
Mad Monday comes to an end (or doesn’t) and the next thing you know its Melbourne Cup day and Christ, it’d be rude not to get back on the horse with the boys.
Wednesday you can take a breather and participate in the day of National Unity which is celebrated in Italy in Russia. There’ll be plenty of broken souls by this point so it’s fitting this day falls mid bend (beers must still be drunk on this day to keep the bend alive). It’s a good idea to bring everyone together, in unity, to check in on your bender.
Wednesday has passed and Thursday rolls around which is Crown Oaks day.
Nothing like more horse racing and betting on the roughies (that you’ve never heard of) to really keep everyone firing at full tilt. To be quite honest, I have no idea what’s happening on the Friday for most people, but GPS usually has their awards night. So if all goes according to plan, I’ll be steaming into that after a gentleman’s 6 days on the piss.
Now most people would try and stop after this, however it’s now another Saturday and it’d honestly be rude to not get back on it.
From here, continue all night and through to the next day for a Sunday Sesh to end the bend.
Take the following week off work because this is probably the most effort you’ve put into something this year and you deserve a week of rest. I’m sure there’ll be some sort of cricket on as well so if your missus asks why you continue to bend use that as an excuse.
If you’d like to come along for the ride on this ultimate bender, please swing me a message. I don’t care if I do the whole thing solo because at the end of the day someone’s gotta do it.
Now if any of you are reading this and you’re from rival clubs to GPS, I respect that you won’t be celebrating at Yoku Road, however it’d be bloody brilliant to continue the bend from Tuesday with you all. The more the merrier.
This has been my first attempt at a blog and yeah, there’s a fair amount of dribble in here. In short, you need to apply for leave from the 31st of October until the 15th of November and come along with me on what will quite possibly be the best bender of your life.
Give em heaps.
